Another reality check


So I know it’s been a while. Sure, I updated to let you guys know that I was still alive and kicking. But in retrospect, those posts did not help you if you came here looking for advice and support. For that, I am-well-I can’t really explain it. All I can say is that it’s been a long five months since I graduated. I have changed a lot. Those changes have not always been the best changes in the world. But well, we do not always control what happens to us. We can only control how we react and allow those changes to impact us influencing the choices we make on a daily basis! I am still trying to get a handle on that myself. I’m not doing very well at that either.

I’m not sure where to begin explaining myself. I guess it all begins with one word. Transition. According to, transition can be defined as a “movement, passage or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc.”. Transitions have always been difficult for me. I’m one of those people who doesn’t react kindly to change. Looking at my disability, you probably can understand why. I mean look at all it takes for me to live on a daily basis. I depend on people to get me up in the morning, feed me. The list goes on and on.

So, besides the obvious reasons. What makes this transition so different from all the others? Well, I have been trying to figure that out myself. I don’t know how many of you are in this same situation or a similar one.. If you’ve been with me long enough, you’ve read about my experiences out in the real world, experiencing life in its purest form. Going to college and living on my home. In retrospect, it was just something I dreamed about. Something I hoped for. I mean, I knew it was possible. I had the brains and the intellect. I had proved that by graduating from a community college with a associate degree. Even graduating from high school.

But was it actually possible for me to experience the reality of going away to college and becoming an independent person, outside of being the daughter I knew I was as well as a person with a disability?

Yes, it was possible. They experiences I encountered as well as the people opened up a new world to me. They not only became part of my family, but showed me I can not only trust them. But I could trust myself. I was, in fact, able to make decisions as an adult. I was able to do things with my friends, without my parents always having to be there to assist me.

That being said, being back home is difficult for me now. Why? Because I’ve seen what is possible. I’m someone who can no longer be put in a box of limitations that society sometimes puts on me. It also makes things difficult when I look at that amazing progress many of my friends have made since graduating. For example, some of them have moved to St. Louis.

And yet, sometimes I feel like I’m in that box again.My job status is still nonexistent, which is probably a good thing for right now. Considering everything I’m going through. My independence has sort of gone down a bit, considering all I do is sit in front of my computer and talk to friends near and far. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying my time off, but after awhile you start wondering whether you will ever get out there and do some good for anyone. But I do have my moments. It’s just really shocking how the time off can change things for the good or the worst. Since my independence has gone down, my spasticity has gone up a ton. I am left speechless and frustrated

This just goes with the territory of having a disability, I guess. Another part of having cerebral palsy is the need for surgeries. My dorm mates know that I take medicine in a special way to decrease my spasticity. Well, I recently found out that I have to have surgery to continue with this disability maintenance. This surgery has not been scheduled yet,

Why am I saying this. I don’t know, but I guess what I want people to take from this is the power of transition. You will get where you need to be in time. The hard part of life is waiting

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