Grown-up Girlfriends: Chapters 6-7


Okay, so here’s the deal. I haven’t received any feedback on my continuing Grown-up Girlfriends series; as a result, I have decided to finish what I started. Besides, learning how to maintain friendships is a important skill-friends will always be around even when your parents won’t be. This subject applies to everyone, not just the disabled community.. but first, let me explain what’s going to happen this week. I am going in for Botox tomorrow. For that reason, I may not be posting as usual. I’ve had Botox before but it was a long time ago; so, I don’t exactly remember how much pain the treatment will cause. This time, I am getting my wrists and arms done.

Anyway, I am going to do my best in terms of posting on my blog a day in advance and set it up to publish itself. But I am not making any promises. The next few weeks are probably going to be full of intense therapy sessions and such. Still, I am very hopeful. If the therapy can make my hands straight enough to wear rings, or drive my wheelchair using my joystick, or simply dial my cell phone, that would be an accomplishment. Keep your fingers crossed or say a prayer if you feel inclined.. thanks !

Now, onto today’s post..

Chapter 6: The Grown-Up Girlfriend Embraces Differences

1) Acknowledge our differences and accept them; the fact is, that our differences are what attracts us to each in the first place.

2) Too often we feel the need to create our friends into what we think they should be, try to let this go. Realize that God created your friend this way for a reason.

3) Everyone has different personalities

-are you a introvert or extrovert? Introvert get their energy from being alone, while extroverts get their energy from being around people and doing activities.

-Dreamers Versus Detaliers? Dreamers like to make plans for the future whether or not they come true. Detailers like to make plans for today and live in the present.

-Structure or not? Some people like to use planners to organize their day while others find joy in living life spontaneously.

-Feelers Versus Thinkers? Traditionally, women are led by their feelings when making decisions. Occasionally, though, there are those who like to take some time before making decisions. This can cause conflict because the feelers often take this personally

4) Why are we so different?

-We are so different because we are uniquely created by God.

-The conflicts in friendships make us fully appreciate and reflect on God’s love.

-Being in a friendship full of differences gives us a unique opportunity to develop some of those qualities in our own lives

-When we understand each other’s differences, we are more likely to adapt our expectations and avoid conflict.

5) Remembering the biblical purpose of differences

-Read Romans 12:4-5

-Not everyone can be the same. They each have to fulfill their purpose.

Chapter 7: The Grown-up Girlfriend Connects by Communicating

1) The power of words can be used twofold; Words can bless people, but they can also do irreversible damage. That’s why you shouldn’t be careful.

2) Some important Questions To Consider

-“Are we willing to take responsibility for our words and learn methods to clean up our messes?”(Page 105)

-“Are we willing to be committed to seeking Christ’s discernment about if and when we need to communicate our pain to others?”(Page 105)

– “When others fail us, are we willing to forgive and begin the journey of healing our hearts?” (Page 105)

-“As a grown-up friends, are we willing to make the choice to learn adult communication skills and not to stick to the methods we learned from our families or in junior high school?” (Page 106)

3) Are you a Safe Friend?

-a look at the negative impact of words.. “Gossip can poison our perceptions of another person .” (Page 112)

-besides criticism, here are some characteristics that can lead to negative thinking between friends-critical thinking, competing, blaming, unwillingness to confront, jealousy etc.

4) Creating a Safe Environment For Friends?

-“Honor your friend” -appreciate their value in your life (Page 118)

-“Recognize when your fear buttons have been pushed” (Page 118)

-“Be willing To Forgive” (Page 118)

-“Speak Life into Your Friends”-be positive in your relationships, uplift rather than tear down your friends (Page 119)

-“Avoid escalation” -try to stop all negative behavior (Page 119)

-“Create ground rules in the relationship”-these are boundaries that you both will follow regarding behavior, ideas of trust and intimacy (Page 119)

5) As a Grown-up friends, we must be willing to confront the real issues

6) Be a good listener

7) “A Grown-up friend is aware of negative beliefs and gives her friend the benefit of the doubt” (Page 125)

8) “A Grown-up Friend Takes Responsibility”(Page 128)

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Notes taken from the book “Grown-Up Girlfriends: Finding and Keeping Real Friends In the Real World” by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver

2 thoughts on “Grown-up Girlfriends: Chapters 6-7”

  1. Sending good thoughts for a successful outcome with the Botox. I understand it can be quite painful, so I hope you have a good person administering.

  2. Sending good thoughts for a successful outcome with the Botox. I understand it can be quite painful, so I hope you have a good person administering.


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