Grown-Up Girlfriends: Chapter 9

Hello everyone,

Before I get started on today’s post, I would like to say something first. In going over Chapter 9, of the grown-up girlfriend book, I was quite sure whether I should include it. Firstly, because my friends might read this and get the wrong idea based on my notes. That is not my intention. I have some of the greatest friends in the world .However, not everything is perfect in the real world and my readers should know what to do when certain characteristics show up in friendships. That being said, here are my notes for Chapter 9.

Notes from Chapter 9-the Grown-Up Girlfriend Overcomes Destructive Friendships

  1. ” During the beginning of friendships, we are often on our best behavior-just like dating !” (Page 147)
  2. We may Not realize the beginning of negative behavior because we are captivated by the strong bonds we have with our friend
  3. Don’t jump friendships-build appropriate boundaries (Page 148)
  4. Learn to distinguish between destructive patterns
  5. Here are some things to consider:
    a. Is your friend bringing up legitimate concerns or are they one-sided? (Selfish, etc.)
    b. If a destructive friendship continues, one friend might began to feel pressure from the other. The other friend might feel guilty
    c. In a destructive friendship, one friend may end up threatening you-giving the other person an ultimatum. “If you were a real friend, you would do this.”, “Let’s do this or I will find another friend who will. “
    d. As stated previously, fear is a common ingredient in both positive and negative relationships. However, in destructive friendships, fear plays a vital role
  6. What to Do When Trust Has Been Broken?
    a. Realize that the pain she is feeling has some benefits. It pointed her to Christ and made her realize the relationship didn’t really have the right foundation
    b. Realize that a real friendship takes trust. “Trust is a risk”. (Page 158)
    c. Some important things to remember:
    1) “Let Christ fill you first” (Page 158)
    2) “Be willing to trust even after betrayal” (page 159).

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Notes taken from the book “Grown-Up Girlfriends: Finding and Keeping Real Friends In the Real World” by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver

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